#原文呈现
阅读下面短文,根据所给情节进行续写,使之构成一个完整的故事。
Amancamehomefromworklateagain,tiredandirritated,tofindhis5-yearoldsonwaitingforhimatthedoor."Daddy,mayIaskyouaquestion?"
"Yeah,sure,whatisit?"repliedtheman.
"Daddy,howmuchmoneydoyoumakeanhour?"
"Thatsnoneofyourbusiness.Whatmakesyouasksuchathing?"themansaidangrily.
"Ijustwanttoknow.Pleasetellme,howmuchdoyoumakeanhour?"pleadedthelittleboy.
"Ifyoumustknow,Imake20.00anhour."
"Oh,"thelittleboyreplied,headbowed.
Lookingup,hesaid,"Daddy,mayIborrow10.00please?"
Thefatherwasfurious."IftheonlyreasonyouwantedtoknowhowmuchmoneyImakeisjustsoyoucanborrowsometobuyasillytoyorsomeothernonsense,thenyoumarchyourselfstraighttoyourroomandgotobed.Thinkaboutwhyyourebeingsoselfish.Iworklong,hardhourseverydayanddonthavetimeforsuchchildishgames."
Thelittleboyquietlywenttohisroomandshutthedoor.Themansatdownandstartedtogetevenmadderaboutthelittleboysquestioning.Howdareheasksuchquestionsonlytogetsomemoney.Afteranhourorso,themanhadcalmeddown,andstartedtothinkhemayhavebeenalittlehardonhisson.Maybetherewassomethinghereallyneededtobuywiththat10.00andhereallydidntaskformoneyveryoften.Themanwenttothedoorofthelittleboysroomandopenedthedoor.
"Areyouasleepson?"heasked.
"Nodaddy,Imawake,"repliedtheboy.
"Ivebeenthinking,maybeIwastoohardonyouearlier,"saidtheman.
"ItsbeenalongdayandItookmyaggravationoutonyou.Heresthat10.00youaskedfor."
Thelittleboysatstraightup,beaming."Oh,thankyoudaddy"heyelled.
注意:
1.所续写短文的词数应为左右;
2.应使用5个以上短文标有下划线的关键词语;
3.续写部分分为两段,每段的开头语已为你写好;
4.续写完成后,请用下划线标出你所使用的关键词。
Paragraph1:
Then,thelittleboyreachingunderhispillow…
Paragraph2:
Afterhearingwhattheboysaid,themanfeltsosorryforwhathehadsaidtohisson.
#思维路径
01
核心内容
文本主要内容为:一位父亲工作很晚回到家,他5岁的儿子问他工作一个小时多少钱并向他借10美元。父亲对此很生气并朝儿子发了火。事后,父亲仔细思考后觉得儿子可能有所困难才开的口,所以最后还是借了钱。
02
写作思路
(1)明确故事人物关系(characters)。故事中主要人物为父亲theman和他5岁的儿子thelittleboy。
(2)理清故事主要事件(events)。父亲工作很晚回到家;儿子问父亲工作一个小时多少钱并向他借10美元;父亲为此生了气并叫儿子回自己房间反思;父亲考虑后觉得儿子事出有因便最后借了这10美元给儿子。
(3)根据已知人物、事件及续写段落首句预测故事发展(development)。故事总体的发展应该是儿子用他借的10美元和自己已有的零用钱买了父亲一个小时的时间,此件事情让父亲反思自己以前花太少的时间陪儿子了。续写第一段:根据第二段开头提示的句子,小男孩接下来的行为让父亲感到惭愧。所以可能是小男孩拿着借的钱给父亲买了份礼物,也可能是小男孩拿着向父亲借的钱和自己已有的钱买了父亲一个小时的时间。续写第二段:父亲为自己说过的话感到抱歉,可以写父亲之后用实际行动来弥补儿子,也可以写父亲开始反思以前太把重心放在工作上,而忽略了应多花点时间陪陪儿子。
(4)结合下划线词罗列写作要点(points)。结合下划线词和文本内容,展开尽可能丰富的想象,罗列出尽可能多的故事发展情节。例如,第一段可以通过问以下问题来获取写作要点:”Whatwouldtheboydoafterhegotfather’s10.00?Wouldhejustbuyasillytoyorsomeothernonsenseforhimselfjustlikewhathisfathersaid?Wouldhedosomethingspecialtohisfather?”等。第二段可以问以下问题来获取写作要点:”Howwouldthefatherfeelafterhearingwhattheboysaid?Whatwouldthefatherdo?Whatchangeswouldthefathermake?”等。
#参考范文
Then,thelittleboyreachingunderhispillow,hepulledoutsomemorecrumpledupbills.Theman,seeingthattheboyalreadyhadmoney,startedtogetangryagain.Hegrumbledwhytheboywantedmoremoneyevenifhealreadyhadsome.Thelittleboyslowlycountedouthismoney,thenlookedupattheman."BecauseIdidnthaveenough,butnowIdo,"thelittleboyreplied,"Daddy,Ihave20.00now.CanIbuyanhourofyourtime?"
Afterhearingwhattheboysaid,themanfeltsosorryforwhathehadsaidtohisson.Tears
filledhiseyesandhegaveadeephugtotheson.Inthepastfewyears,hewasalwaysengagedinworkandneverspentasingleweekendwithhisson.This20.00isjustashortremindertoallofusworkingsohardforourliving.Don’tlettimeslipthroughourfingerswithouthavingspentsomequalitytimewiththosewhoreallymattertous.(除给定词外,words)
范文解析
范文围绕文章的内容进行了合情合理的拓展。根据第二段开头提示,小男孩一定做了让父亲很感动的举动。因此小男孩借到钱以后,加上自己已有的零用钱向父亲买了他一个小时的时间。父亲听到儿子的话后,十分感动和抱歉,对自己以前的行为有较大的感触,并进行了反思。最后两句从全文的角度进行概括,突出故事的主题。
#提炼归纳
文本主要内容为:一位父亲工作很晚回到家,他5岁的儿子问他工作一个小时多少钱并向他借10美元。父亲对此很生气并朝儿子发了火。事后,父亲仔细思考后觉得儿子可能有所困难才开的口,所以最后还是借了钱。
01
合理拓展情节
读后续写首先要读通给定文本,把握故事的人物和事件。在此基础上根据提示对故事的发展作出合情合理又合乎逻辑的预测。为了将预测过程显性化,可以通过设问的方式,将预测重点以问题的方式显示出来,以利后续写作时的信息整理和语言组织。在该练习中,通过两段开头给的提示进行合理的推断,并通过事先设问的方式构思文章。两段分别以小男孩和父亲为主人公进行不同角度的叙述,符合故事发展的合理结局。
02
有效运用连接手段
在具体的写作过程中我们要对罗列的要点进行筛选和整合,还要考虑写作要点之间连接手段(connectives)的有效运用,例如范文中我们用了after来说明事件的先后顺序,inthepastfewyears来转接过去情况的描述,because来引出小男孩借钱的原因。这些连接词的使用可以使文本读上去更有逻辑感,也使文章更加紧凑连贯。
#写作演练一
1.阅读下面材料,根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段,使之构成一篇完整的短文。续写的词数应为左右。
BrownieandHarrywereneighbordogsinStowe,abeautifulandpeacefultowninLamoilleCounty,Vermont,UnitedStates,whometeverydaytoplaytogether,runningaftereachotherjoyfully.Likepairsofdogsyoucanfindinmostanyneighborhood,thesetwolovedeachotherandplayedtogethersooftenthattheyhadwornapaththroughthegrassofthefieldbetweentheirrespectivehouses.
Oneevening,BrowniesfamilynoticedthatBrowniehadntreturnedhomeasusual.Theywentlookingforhimwithnosuccess.Browniestilldidntshowupthenextday,and,despitetheireffortstofindhim,bythenextweekhewasstillmissing.
Curiously,theotherdog,Harry,showedupatBrownieshousealoneoneday.Hebarked,jumpedandpestered(纠缠)Brownieshumanfamily,showingthathewasfilledwithanxiety.Busywiththeirownlives,thefamilyjustignoredthenervouslittleneighbordoganddecidedtoletthemissingdoggo.
Harryrefusedtotake“no”forananswer.Ted,Brownie’sowner,wassteadilydisturbedbytheangry,determinedlittledog.OnemorningHarryfollowedTedabout,barkingmoreinsistently,thenrushingtowardanearbyemptylotandback,asiftosay,“Followme,please!Isveryurgent!”
Eventually,TedwentafterthemadHarryacrosstheemptylotasHarrypausedtoracebackandbarkencouragingly.Thelittledogledthemanunderatree,pastsometreejungles,toalonelyspotahalfmilefromthehouse.ThereTedfoundhisbelovedBrownie,andhewasalive,withoneofhisfrontlegsfallingintoasteeltrap.Atthatmoment,TedunderstoodthestrangebehaviorofHarry.
Feelingregretful,TednowwishedhehadtakenHarrysearlierappealsseriously.However,HarryhaddonemorethansimplyledBrownie’shumanownertohistrappedfriend.Tednoticedsomethingquiteremarkablebeforehimandwasshockedthattheamountoflovethatthedoghasforhispartnercouldbesooutstanding.
Paragraph1:
Inacirclearoundtheinjureddog,thereweresomeremainsofmeals.
Paragraph2:
BrowniewassavedandtakenhomebyhisownerTed.
#范文
Paragraph1:
Inacirclearoundtheinjureddog,thereweresomeremainsofmeals.ItturnedoutthatHarryhadbeenvisitingBrownieregularlyinordertokeephisfriendalive.EverydayHarrytookhalfofhisdogfoodheretoBrownie.Harrytriedhisbesttobegtheownertoaskformoreleftoversandthenhecameoutwiththefood.EachnightHarrystayedwithBrownietoprotecthimfromothermeat-eatinganimals,leaningclosetoBrownietokeephiwarmandencouragehimtokeephisspiritsup.
Paragraph2:
BrowniewassavedandtakenhomebyhisownerTed.Hisfrontlegwastreatedbyananimalsurgeon.Hewasattendedsocarefullyandverysoonherecovered.EverydayHarrycametoseehimandplayedwithhimhappily.Formanyyearsthereafter,thetwofamiliesstillwatchedthefaithfulfriendshavingfunandchasingeachotherdownthatwell-wornpathbetweentheirhouses.Thetwodogsnotonlysetuptheirownfriendshipbutalsomadethetwofamiliesharmoniousandclosetogether.
本篇书面表达是读后续写。通过阅读所给文章可知,两只小狗Brownie和Harry是邻居,每天会一起玩,以至于两家之间的草地上已经被踏出了一条小径。一天傍晚,Brownie突然不见了踪影,它的主人苦寻无果便决定放弃。但Harry却不断到Brownie主人家,狂吠,乱跳,”纠缠”着Brownie的主人一家,通过它坚持不懈的”纠缠”,Brownie的主人跟随着它找到了被困的Brownie。
Paragraph1的开头是“在受伤的Brownie四周,有一圈残羹剩饭”,文章中最后一段讲到”Harry不仅仅只是带领Brownie的主人来到它被困的朋友跟前”,由此可知,这些食物是Harry给Brownie带来的,本段应描述在Brownie被困的日子里,Harry是如何带食物给Brownie的,并且上文提到两只小狗的感情十分深厚,在这期间,Harry应该会一直陪伴和保护着Brownie。
Paragraph2的开头是“Brownie被它的主人Ted救下并带回家”,由此可知,接下来可能会描述Brownie被带回去接受治疗,伤好后,两只小狗又开始一起开心地嬉戏玩耍,且可以根据情节进一步延伸,如两只小狗的友情也进一步拉近了两家人的距离。
最后还要注意所续写短文的词数应为左右,续写部分与原文内容一致,使之构成一篇完整的短文
本续写描写详略得当,使用了高级词汇和高级句子。如:turnout,takehalfof,
本文编辑:佚名
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